A different kind of New Year’s Eve

December 31, 2016

My first New Year’s Eve alone… If I’m not mistaken, my first New Year’s Eve away from home!! It’s a totally different feeling. Perhaps I am feeling a bit homesick. I mean, what are celebrations without family?!! Christmas and New Year have been a tradition in my home for some time now, more likely to be celebrated than Onam or Deepawali. I don’t know if this is because Christmas and New Year allow a lighter, simpler, easier celebration or because of the spirit of ‘Goa’.

Back home, the celebration continues without me and my brother. We, away from home, celebrate in our own little ways. Now I wonder… What thoughts are going on in their minds? Just like it is my first new year away from family, it is their first new year without me, in years. They probably miss me like they do everyday. But for me, today is special. Everything about today is special. The boredom, the homesickness, the loneliness, every little feeling is special. It is as relaxing as it is haunting, as exciting as it is uneventful. This sudden wave of mixed emotions shall always be cherished. I wonder if my brother felt the same way on his first New Year’s Eve away. It is difficult to tell – New Year’s Eves were different for us in those days – and I never asked… And even though he has spent many a New Year’s Eves away from home after that, I doubt if he has ever spent one alone.

The day before New Year. When people discuss their plans for New Year’s Eve and Day. Unlike every other year, this time, I had nothing to say! No plans, bro!! This New Year will see me spending a peaceful night with soft music, some simple food and a glass of my favourite red wine… Some call it a perfect plan for New Year’s Eve! But like I said, I have mixed feelings about this. There is a part of me that yearnsto dance my feet off at a loud party… another part of me that wants to be back at home with family, talking, laughing, eating…. yet another part of me that desires a whole night of deep conversations (silent and otherwise) with a bunch of close friends… And then, there is this tiny part of me that is excited about spending New Year’s Eve all by myself!

Christmas passed by like it should, as i spent the eve with my roommate and the day with another friend and his family. New Year’s Eve is when the feeling finally kicks in. I have, for a long time now, known that I will be spending this New Year’s Eve alone. But not for once did I think of what that would feel like. But now I realise… there was nothing to think about. Even now, close to experiencing it, I have no idea what-so-ever how I feel about it!!

I am, somehow, at a loss for words. I don’t seem to have anything more to say. I should probably get to my kitchen and cook my simple New Year’s Eve dinner. See you next year!

May we all have happy years ahead…. Happy New Year!!

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